What a perfect word. I have decided to get back in shape, eat better and start going to the gym again.
I went this morning and a personal trainer came over to me to “assist”. I chuckled and realized she was trying to get me to sign up for personal training. My response was “nah I don’t want to get all buff and all”. I am only 5′ and as a woman I don’t want to look like a man. That should tell you how knowledgable I am at weight training.
She proceeded to share her wisdom. The trainer said that just because you lift weights certainly doesn’t mean you will get buff and start looking masculine. Weight training is just as important as eating right. As a woman it will help with bone loss as we age. If the focus is not to gain too much muscle and get to buff than that could be achieved and of course if you wanted to put more than the average muscle gain on then that is also possible.
I told her I envisioned the woman bodybuilder where they begin to take on the male characteristics and somehow their chest goes away and becomes just plain muscle. To me that isn’t attractive but it’s what they work towards. I pictured a 5′ tall woman with no chest, muscles protruding everywhere, no neck and not being able to close your arms. Almost cartoon like.
At the end of our conversation she gave me her card and some pointers and went on her merry way. I went back to my machine and looked off to the right and what do I see…a woman bodybuilder with no chest, barely a neck and unable to close her arms fully because of the amount of muscle. I chuckled, shook my head and finished my exercise.
Buff I will pass but I will think about adding more weights to my workout.
A first impression lasts a lifetime and you can never take it back. Impressions reminds me of judgement. It can be good or bad. It can be in your personal life or work life.
This reminds me of a few years back, I was interviewing for a different job. I changed into a very pretty dress and prepared myself for the interview of a lifetime. I got in the car and started my drive. Everything was normal until it wasn’t.
A pop and gradual bumping and shaking. I pulled over to the side of the road and wouldn’t you know it…a flat tire. I had no time to wait for someone to come and assist so in high heals and a dress I changed the tire. Got back in the car and I realized I was covered in dirt and grease. I had two choices. Go and explain or cancel the interview.
I decided to go and explain and hopefully they would understand as this was my dream job so they had to understand, right.
I walked in and started the interview. I explained what occurred but three questions in the Director said “I don’t think I can do this” and she left the room. Needless to say a short time later the interview was over.
I left dejected and thought wow what a great first impression. As I was driving home I said out loud “they must not like the smell of grease in the morning”.
I didn’t get the job which I was heartbroken over. I felt I was judged over something I couldn’t help.
Are first impressions bad or is it a signal of good things to come. For me in this case the first impression was exactly what needed to happen. I found another job that was more my style with people who cared about me and my growth with the company.
I look back on this event and realize that their first impression isn’t want counted instead it was my first impression of them that did. This “negative” impression that I gave actually saved me from making a mistake.
I have to say this is the perfect word today. I have been feeling adrift all day. Lost and a bit confused.
I have been asking a lot of “what ifs” lately. Primarily I am sure because of the all the negative news. I open the local news website to get the weather and see articles on North Korea launching another missile or Trump making a outrageous statement, potential impeachment, more racism in recent weeks than I can recall etc.
So much negativity, anger, resentment and hostility that I am beginning to just plain feel lost by all of the “what would this or that mean”.
I need to get back to my basics to lose the adrift feeling. The basics of what I enjoy. Maybe some gardening, reading a good book, sharing memories with loved ones or just plain taking a nice walk while listening to a little music.
Now I need to implement that and maybe even not watch the news for a bit or open those websites. Let’s see what I can hold myself to in order to lose this feeling.
The conversation goes like this…
Friend: Why do you always have to have the final word?
Me: I don’t.
Friend: Yes you do!
Me: No really I don’t.
Friend: You are doing it now.
Me: Doing what?
Friend: Having to have the final word.
Me: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Friend: I’m getting frustrated.
Friend: I give up.
Me: On what?
Yes I have had that “talk”. The one where you really are not trying to be a certain way, you just plain can’t stop. I laugh about it after but during the conversation I am serious and truly don’t know what they are talking about. Not until after and I process the conversation.
Then I swear I will make a conscious effort to be better. Each and every time it happens I swear I’ll do better the next time.
I swear I will stop and not have to have the final word. See I stopped:)
The below picture I thought was perfect to end this with. I saw other pictures of gators doing crazy things in another blog and I was so fascinated but terrified at the same time.
I constantly forget my dream and instead I focus on the day-to-day items that I must get accomplished. Work, pay bills, clean the house oh and I can’t forget to eat.
Somewhere between 2:30am and 9pm, I misplaced my dream. The item I thought about as a child and just knew I would pursue it. That is until I became an adult. What happened during that dreaming mind and adulthood? Life got so busy that I chose to not pursue my dreams anymore. I seem to blame life…too busy, too tired, too whatever else I can think of.
Maybe the real reason is fear. As a child you have no concept of fear or failure but as an adult all of that becomes reality. The fear of judgement is so very strong. Sometimes to strong to where it stops you dead in your tracks. Then gradually you put those dreams in the back of your mind without even thinking that you are indeed doing it. As an adult fear is crippling.
Maybe I need to try things that will get me back to that child mentality where fear didn’t exist. Maybe then I can continue to pursue my dreams or am I doing that now by writing this down. Maybe I am just tiptoeing in pursuing my dreams again.
I can hope and dream.
Wow, this is a perfect word for me today. When my grandma had a stroke she was so very bitter. She was bitter on her childhood, adulthood and the stroke. I remember her saying “why did God do this to me”. It was terribly sad to see, hear and experience. She for a period of time hated everything and sometimes everyone. My grandma, the strong, powerful woman was so very weak. It pained me to go through this with her partly because I didn’t have the answers.
She was in the nursing home for 11 years and the first about 9 were, what we refer to, as the terrible years. The stroke took away her ability to walk and the use one of her arms and some of the memory but she remembered things of her childhood. These were horrible things. Things I already knew but wish she would have forgotten. My grandma ran away from home when she was 13 and never went back. Very traumatic childhood and that’s an understatement.
The stroke intensified all her feelings including the bitterness. I remember telling my mom I never want to be a bitter person, how do I make that not happen. She just squeezed my hand and said we needed to pray. To say I was scared doesn’t do it justice. I still am. I worry about that and try my best to pray and look for guidance.
The last couple of years were better as she came to terms with her past, went to church in the nursing home and began to forgive. I still knew she wanted to die but she didn’t ask us to do it anymore. She just lived each day the best she could. This is not to say there were not hard times but it was better. Then magically she started the process to leave this earth. She was put on hospice and just when we thought it couldn’t go any longer, she opened her eyes and started talking. Just as fast as that happened, it was over and she just slept. One night she said “look at all the people over there”. She saw her mom who after many years came to live with her and came with only the house coat and slippers that she wore. My gram bought her new clothes and she passed away in her favorite chair in my grams house. She saw her mom. I believe they were there to guide her “home”.
My grandma passed away on May 2nd. I swear every wrinkle was gone out of her face and I have never in my life seen that level of peace on my grams face.
The bitterness she felt and displayed was justified based on her past but it hurt her too. I was born on her birthday, October 2nd. We celebrated it every year together. I was her mini-me. I know she wouldn’t want me to be bitter but sometimes it is so very hard not to be. I miss her dearly and so wish she didn’t have to go through all of that.
I guess I need to pray about it again and continue to do that until I am comfortable again.
A perfect word for me today.
Years ago I worked as an apprentice learning a skill for very little hourly wage. Matter of fact it was $4.73. How they got the .73 is beyond me. I needed the experience so I agreed. Not knowing just how hard this would be. I worked over 50 hours per week when the agreement called for 30 hours per week. I should have left but I was young and thought being an apprentice would certainly assist me later in life.
Whether it did or not I am not sure but it certainly taught me many things such as the value of hard work and that just when you think you can’t do anymore, somehow you make it through. The biggest thing that it taught me was no matter how many times someone put me down, I was stronger than I thought. That has followed me through my entire career.
Now the true apprentice is not seen much because there were several lawsuits pertaining to working and completing the exact same job and not getting the same pay. Employers have leaned away from this classification of employees.
This is the same as contractors meaning typically because of lawsuits, contractors on average can stay at an employer for six months and then need to leave for six before coming back. A very large banking giant was sued because a contractor was working for over two years but didn’t receive any benefits because he was classified as a contractor and not an employee. The company lost and had to pay a significant amount. That lawsuit affected most large employers.
Times have changed so much with apprenticeships. No longer are they a way for people to gain true real world experience but rather they are utilized by employers wanting cheep labor. Maybe not all but certainly a large amount. Maybe they also got tired of apprentices coming in and really doing nothing. There were several of those people with the attitude of “what are they going to do, fire me, I’m not an employee”. Terrible attitude.
The rules surrounding this has also change significantly and sometimes the rules alone make it difficult to do.
Looking back I would do it all again. Not for the job knowledge or the pay:) but because it taught me more about myself than I would have learned otherwise.